Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Thoughts on tonight's Lost episode.

When Kate and Sawyer were taking a tiny break in the jungle, carrying Little Ben to the Others' side so that Richard Alpert could save him? And they were talking?

I've been there. I've totally fucking been there. There's a scene in the book based on that sort of situation.

I've always identified very strongly with Kate. Like me, she's a badass with a good heart, and she's really not what she seems. Tonight I felt like it was
me in that jungle (and that ain't wishful thinking, wanting to be tramping around in the weeds with Sawyer).

This episode solidified two things I have known for a while but haven't necessarily wanted to admit:

1) That I was wrong: he and I were not supposed to be together, and
2) That as much as I am a Kate, he will always be a Sawyer. To me, at least. My Sawyer.

Which is why, of course, he was able to eventually hurt me so badly.

But that's OK. Parts of this story were borne from that pain. And the story's the most important thing to me right now. No matter how much it hurts sometimes when I write it.