Monday, June 8, 2009

Fuck normal.

There's been a lot of talk in the news lately about David Carradine, an actor who died last week. See, it seems like his death is linked to what is viewed as sexually deviant behavior. Maybe it was auto-erotic asphyxiation. Maybe it was foul play that happened to involve the actor being tied up. It seems to have involved bondage. It possibly involved some masochistic tendencies.

It involved a lot of things that many people don't view as normal.

I say, fuck normal.

Now Carradine's exes are talking to the press. Giving details about his sexually deviant behavior that they noticed while they were with him. I hate the word "deviant." It has a bad connotation. And you know what? If your so-called "deviant" actions are always safe, sane, and consensual, then I don't think there's anything bad about these sorts of actions.

These desires do exist in some people. Some people will never know these desires at all, and others will know nothing but them. Some people are wired to have a very innate understanding of BDSM and other similarly "deviant" attitudes and activities. And I firmly believe that those people cannot help that. It's kind of like being gay. Do you know any gay people who chose to be gay? I don't. It's just the way they are. And when something's hard-wired so deeply in a person, I don't think it can be changed even if that person would dearly love to change it.

Part of the message I'm sending in the book is that there are people out there who have darker desires. And often, they look just like any random, normal person you'd see walking down the street. They don't have to be wearing fishnets or spiked collars like you might expect them to be wearing. Sometimes they're the people who look the most normal. Or they're the people on the fringe of the crowd, watching everyone else, observing how to play normal. Because they know that if they appear to the outside world as being anything but normal, they'll be labeled. Judged. Looked down upon. Laughed at.

These desires aren't wrong. They may not be for everyone, but they are. Not. WRONG.

And if you do have these desires, remember: safe, sane, and consensual. Sometimes these sorts of activities include risk. Trust. Immobilization. Etc. Don't play with anyone you don't trust, and don't allow yourself to be in a situation alone where you have no means of escape if you have some sort of accident. Be smart about how you play.

I find it sad that this actor's last moments were spent in a freakin' closet, of all places. My main character, Sasha, can relate. For so much of her life, she tried to shove her own desires into a closet, lock the door, and jump into bed with some annoyingly normal man...the whole time, she was just learning how to be a better fake, and she was becoming more and more tempted by what was behind that door...